I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
