so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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