Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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