You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
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Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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