Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
