I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize