I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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