Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
