i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
