the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
