So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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