I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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