He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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