I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I love having hate sex.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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