Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
