I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
