Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
