I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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