He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
