she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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