Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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