Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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