Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
