every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY