What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name