ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
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I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode