Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon