just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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