Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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