Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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