I think I am morally bankrupt
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
