Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
