dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
