we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just invented taco cereal.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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