This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
