sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
