On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
