That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
