As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
