Ambien. No doubt about it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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