Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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