your parents love me but you hate me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
