we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
