Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
