A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
