Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize