They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
