go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
