you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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