I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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