I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
