Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
