There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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