a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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