How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
