you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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