I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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