at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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