He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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