My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
