Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
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I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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