I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
