just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
