just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
