woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
