So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
