then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize