hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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