What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
