Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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