Please, let me fuck your mom
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
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and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
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I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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