i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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