See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
