1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
