i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
