he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
