I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
