Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
