I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
