Just cropdusted the office
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
