will power is for people who don't want to get laid
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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