your thong is hanging out like whoa
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
