Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
