If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
