Im at strip club and am horny
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
