So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
