you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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