I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
