im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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