i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
