she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
